In Which Jesse St James is an Alien
by Phantom of a Rose
Summary: A Doctor Who/Glee crossover. Just plain silly in many ways.


**This little fic is based on a GIF on Tumblr - a sort of crossover between Glee and Doctor Who. Specifically, of Karofsky and the Doctor. Go to questionable-morals . Tumblr . Com (take out spaces) to find it! It was posted the day this fic was published. **

**Enjoy!**

**GLEE/DOCTOR WHO**

Karofsky scanned the hall for a new victim. All the members of homo-explosion were nowhere to be seen. He guessed they were in the choir room or something. His eyes fell on Jew-Fro.

He smirked and zeroed in on the nerd. The slushie in his hand was cold and icy as he clutched it tighter as he walked up to the small boy. As he turned around, Karofsky let the contents of the slushie fly, hitting Jew-Fro with a satisfying "_splash_".

Karofsky laughed as the boy sputtered and spit out the red dye. He ripped is glasses off and saw Karofsky. He made a terrified squeak and then ran for the boy's restroom.

"Oi! What is it with you?" said a voice to the right of Karofsky. He turned and saw a tall redheaded girl, maybe a few years older than him. She had some sort of accent. Scottish? Irish? Karofsky frowned at her.

"What's it to you, legs?" he said, putting on a threatening tone. The girl just raised an eyebrow, then got really scary looking. It was actually frightening…just a little.

"I've never been a fan of bullies, me," said the redheaded girl, her tone conversational but her face like a thundercloud. Karofsky shrunk back. "But I'm going to give you a chance right now because I need someone. In about thirty seconds, a man is going to burst through those doors, and I need you to make sure he doesn't get anywhere near the chorus room, okay?" She paused. "Can you do this?"

Karofsky almost scoffed, but the look on the girl's face was terrifying. "Yeah."

"Good." She grimaced. "The fate of the planet…well, a lot of planets, actually, rest in your hands." She took off running.

The doors at the end of the hallway swung open, and a man burst in. "Hallooo, McKinley!" he shouted.

Karofsky smirked. This was going to be fun.

~.~.~.~.~

Amy sprinted down the hallway of the American high school, earning a lot of strange look from the student she was passing by.

"Hey - you!" she said, stopping a woman who was taller than her in a red tracksuit. "Where is the choir room?"

A pair of icy blue eyes looked her up and down for a long moment; Amy tapped her foot impatiently. "Look, this is sorta important."

"What's important," said the woman in drawling tone. "Is me knowing what a Scottish lass is doing in my hallway, in a skirt that wouldn't cover up a pin tip and why she is asking me where that abominable Will Shuester's choir room is."

Amy huffed and looked down at her skirt. It wasn't that bad….was it?

"Look, this is a matter of life or death." Amy reached into her pocket and pulled out the Sonic Screwdriver she had just swiped from the Doctor before running off the TARDIS and instructing Rory to distract him (which he had obviously done _so _well). "Don't make me use this."

"Come at me, Weasley," said the woman, eyeing the sonic with disinterest. "If you think that little apple toy is going to scare Sue Sylvester, you have another thing coming."

Amy pressed the button on the side of the sonic; all the lockers within ten feet of her opened with a resounding bang. Sue looked around in curiosity, then back to Amy. Amy gave her a look, as if to say, "what about now?"

"Interesting," said Sue. "Anyone that has something that can cause that much damage has my blessing." She pointed to her right. "Down the hall, two doors down. If you smell overwhelming hair product fumes and hear off-key screeching, you've found them."

Amy took off down the hall, leaving Sue to examine the row of open lockers.

~.~.~.~.~

"I was wondering if you could direct me to the choir room?" asked the weird man with gangly limbs to a passing student. She looked at him with alarm and quickly scurried away. The man shrugged and asked another person.

Karofsky stalked over to the guy and put one of his hands on his shoulder. The guy looked up at him with a grin.

"Hello there! I'm The Doctor. I'm looking for a choir room - you wouldn't know where it is by any chance? Also, a fiery ginger girl - you seen her?" This guy had an accent, too, but not like the chick's. British, thought Karofsky.

Weird.

But if that chick wanted him to distract this…what was his name? The Doctor? Doctor Who?

Whatever.

"Look dude, you can't go to the choir room," he told the man, standing firmly in front of him.

"Oh really?" said the Doctor in a condescending tone. He reached into his jacket pocket - really, was he wearing suspenders and a bowtie? Did this guy get fashion tips from Hummel? He checked the other and frowned. "Where is my sonic…" He sighed. "_Amelia_."

The Doctor took a step to the side to get out of Karofsky's shadow; Karofsky followed him. "Look, boy, get out of the way. This is important business! I must ask you to get out of my way."

"Sorry fancy, I was told by that redheaded chick to keep you busy. You can't go into the choir room - and why would you want to? It's full of losers."

"Amy thinks she can deal with this by herself," huffed the man. "But she has no idea how dangerous this is!"

"Not my problem," said Karofsky. "That chick scared me and I'm not taking any chances."

"She is frightening," amended The Doctor. "Wait - no!" The man jumped to the right side and Karofsky followed, but then he changed direction and ran pass Karofsky - damn, he was fast.

Karofsky sighed and ran after the man…what was he even _doing_?

~.~.~.~.~

Amy finally found the choir room - she heard singing, so it must be it - and wasted no time bursting into the room. The music abruptly cut off. A few of the singers carried on for a few moments before stopping, turning to face her.

"Everyone stay calm," she said, holding up a hand. "But I need to do a, uh, quick search!"

The problem was, Amy didn't know what the alien looked like. Obviously, it blended in with humans, but other than that, the signal just lead them here, to Lima, Ohio at McKinley High School. Amy pulled the sonic screwdriver out of her pocket again and fiddled with it for a moment, the Doctor said something about locating the alien with this.

"Excuse me, miss, but what is the meaning of this?" asked who Amy assumed was the teacher.

"Uh, official business?" she said. Amy lifted the sonic to his face; it didn't make a sound. She took a few steps over to a petite girl with dark hair.

"Excuse me, you're interrupting our rehearsal! We're going to Nationals in just two weeks!" she shrieked when Amy put the sonic in her face and it buzzed (but only it's usual sound).

"This will only take a few moments," said Amy, already moving on to the next person, a tall boy with a confused expression; no reading on him, either.

"Woah," he said as the green light shown in his eyes.

Amy jumped from person to person, all of them just sitting in shock. Amy was just moving on from a fashionable boy (she was going to ask him where he got his boots, later) to a boy that seemed…well, out of place. He paled as soon as she stuck the sonic in his face and it…made a high pitched sound.

"Ah! Got'cha!" she said, pointing at the boy. "Now, if you please just leave earth right now and go back to your planet Sari-whatever it was, we don't have to get messy."

The room looked at Amy as if she was insane. "What in the world are you babbling on about?" asked the petite girl.

"Wait, is Jesse an alien?" asked a blonde with a vacant look on her face.

"Yes, actually," said Amy, looked at the blonde for a moment. "Jesse, is it? That's the name you took?"

"Jesse St. James," said the alien, thrusting out a hand for Amy to shake; she stared at it until he dropped it. "And…what is this nonsense about me being an alien?"

"Look, cut the act, I know that you've been on earth for years, gathering information for your planet," said Amy. "I also know that the Doctor is your planet's sworn enemy."

Jesse's face grew dark. "You know the Doctor?" All the eyes in the room turned toward him, wide. "I mean…"

Amy rolled her eyes and aimed the sonic at Jesse. The distinctive sound flooded the room, making Jesse's image shimmer slightly. In a moment, Jesse had grown another foot or so, much too stretched and tall to be human. He had the same facial features, save for his now clear pale eyes, as if his eyes were blind. All his limbs had also been stretched.

"Perception filter, huh?" asked Amy, flipping the sonic in her hand. The room filled with gasps as people stepped away from Jesse in fear.

"Please don't send me back," said Jesse, his face contorting in fear.

"Wait - what?" Amy had not been expecting that.

"I don't want to go back," said Jesse. "I've been away from my planet for over a hundred years now. I…I like it on earth. I have friends here now and….you know what Sarifore is like."

"I…I don't. The Doctor didn't exactly get to that. He just said that your people getting information about earth probably wasn't a good thing."

"It's a planet torn apart by war, a huge civil war that's been raging for centuries," said Jesse. "That's why I was sent to earth, either to find a way to find technology to help our side, or to find a new planet for us to live, if the war ever came to that." Jesse looked over all the people in the choir room, who looked up at him with awed expressions. "I was suppose to go back a year ago…but I decided not to. I liked it here. It's a haven from the war back home."

"Look, I'm sorry but…" Amy frowned. Ok, so she didn't want to send this poor guy back to war, but still…what would the Doctor do?

"For the last time, get out of my way!" said a voice just outside the door - the Doctor.

"No way," said the boy from earlier, the bully.

Amy gasped and look to Jesse. "You have to leave - or hide! If you see the Doctor, you'll go nuclear and the whole world will blow!"

"How do you know about that?" asked Jesse.

"Are you serious right now?" Amy just gave him a look. She ran to the door, pulling a chair to lock it before speaking. "Doctor!"

"Amy! Open this door now! And call off this meat head!"

"Hey!"

"I can't do that," said Amy. "If Jesse sees you, he'll go nuclear and blow up in under a minute. You knew this and yet you were going to barge right in here and confront him. You know, for a smart person you're really dumb sometimes."

"I'm sure I would have figured something out," said the Doctor. "And Jesse?"

"The alien from Sarifore," sighed Amy, looking at Jesse. "I found him, but his story is…well, I don't know what to do," she admitted.

"What is it?" asked the Doctor. Amy took a deep breath and explained the circumstances. In the end, the Doctor sighed so loudly, Amy could hear through the door. "Yes, the civil war on their planet has been going on for almost as long as they have existed. But I don't know if I can leave an alien here in sound mind…"

"Please, Doctor," said Jesse, taking a few long steps to the door, standing next to Amy. "I heard that the Time Lords were a caring race, please don't take me away from the life I have here."

There was a long silence on the other side of the door, only interrupted by the boy from before: "What. The. _Hell_?"

"Is that Karofsky?" asked a boy in the room. No on answered him.

"Well, I can't just leave you here without some sort of…supervision!" sighed the Doctor. A smile burst on to Jesse's face.

"Thank you," he breathed.

"What do you mean, supervision?" asked Amy.

"Someone will have to keep an eye on him and possibly alert me if he goes rouge," said the Doctor. "I could give them a device that would, if activated, alert me to any sort of danger."

"Excuse me, uh, Doctor?" asked the petite girl from earlier. She stepped up beside Amy; next to Amy and Jesse, she looked positively tiny. "Hello there, I'm Rachel Berry. I couldn't help but…well, Jesse and I are…together." Rachel looked up at Jesse, who smiled at her. "He was only here today to give us pointers on Nationals and well…I would take charge of him, if that's what it takes to keep him here."

"Do you really mean that, Rachel?" asked Jesse, who kneeled down so he could be somewhat eye level with the short girl. "I mean…you don't care that I'm…well…"

Rachel grinned and took one of his long hands in hers. "Of course not," she said fondly. "You've proven to me how much you care for me, Jesse, and coming back and apologizing for the way you've acted in the past means a lot to me. If me keeping an eye on you means you can stay…I'll do it."

Jesse smiled at the girl, Rachel, and kissed her cheek.

"Ok then - Rachel girl - come out here and come with me, I'll get you the device and teach you how to use it. Amy, stay with Jesse until I come back," instructed the Doctor from outside.

Rachel opened the door and disappeared, Amy reached outside the door and pulled the boy from earlier in with a yelp.

"Don't man handle me, woman!" he said.

"Oh shut up," she said. "Look, I don't think this need saying, exactly, but you can't talk about this. Not him being an alien, not me or the Doctor - nothing. It's for your best interests, really. I mean, who is going to believe you?"

The group looked at her with wide eyes. Amy looked at the tall bully. "You got that?"

The boy frowned at her, then Jesse, who he had been staring at with wide eyes since he was pulled into the room. "Yeah…" he said slowly.

"Good, now that we got that out of the way…" Amy turned the sonic in Jesse's direction, putting the perception filter back on.

Rachel returned later, muttering about "bigger on the inside", with a small device around her neck. With a wave at the group, and a quick apology, Amy slipped out the door and made her way back to the TARDIS.

~.~.~.~

"Good job keeping the Doctor on the TARDIS, dumbo," said Amy to Rory when she got back on the TARDIS.

"Hey! He's slippery," said Rory with a frown. The Doctor was already messing with controls, causing the TARDIS to rock back and forth.

"Another day saved!" said the Doctor with glee.

"Yeah, by me," huffed Amy.

"Yes, I suppose you helped," said the Doctor. He frowned, patting his pocket. "_Amelia_."

Amy sighed, handing over the sonic screwdriver.

**END**

**I hope you enjoyed! Just a silly one-shot. **


End file.
